Ex-Soulmate (Best Friend)
10/24/2020 I will always remember as one of the worst days of my adult life. I knew I had to let go of someone I once loved and the sooner I climbed that mountain the sooner I could move on with my life. We started off well, but there towards the end she didn’t want to be friends anymore. She didn’t want to fix the damage she caused nor did she want to fight for our friendship. So for the past two years I’ve been in the process of letting go. I was sitting in town eating Chinese and Sober by Bad Wolves came on. The lyrics are what broke me and trust me, it came on without warning. Although my issue with this person was not drug related the lyrics still worked and that was what wrecked me internally.
I put the food dish down and burst into tears without warning and at that precise moment, my other soulmate called me and asked me if I wanted to meet someone. I told her I was grieving, but I was in town. Oddly enough she wanted me to come over and meet up. I went to her, thinking if I met her date and her in general it would distract me from those feelings and make it stop. So, I drive over to the plaza and deliberately parked away from their car so I could compose myself and foolishly thought I would be fine afterwards.
Wrong.
The song was still playing and I was paralyzed by my emotions and deep sorrow I can’t even begin to express to you. I saw my entire past friendship with that person run through my mind as the lyrics blasted through the speakers of my car. I lost it and broke down and cried so hard. Next thing I know my soulmate is just there. She left her date in the car and was at my door. I glanced up and blinked the tears out of my eyes. I sat there, unable to do much of anything. She pointed down and softly told me to open the door and I did. She didn’t speak. She didn’t ask me what was wrong. She simply knew and just reached in and held me in her arms. I lifted my hands and clung to her so hard, saying I just loved that former best friend so much. I literally screamed it two times and just kept crying.
Guess what? The guy she’s on a date with? Remember that little detail? Yeah well, the car I thought I was right next me was not theirs actually was indeed his car. See I thought my soulmate drove him in her Ford Focus so I had no problem loosing it beside a random car. That random vehicle was his car. He and my soulmate saw me break down and he heard me releasing my pain over some woman of my past without context. I... was... so... embarrassed. I didn’t want him to misunderstand or think it was a sexual thing and I had a break up with a woman. He didn’t. Thank God, but talk about a first strong impressions. Thankfully after all this I went home and just crawled into the bed to get away from myself and the pain I was feeling.
The Lord showed up and spoke to me and helped me through the situation and held me on the bed, reassuring me He had to cut that negative from my life because had I stayed friends with this person I would only grieve and suffer more and it wasn’t right nor was it loving of her to do. Around 5:00 AM the following morning I felt a release, a weight removed from my chest. I was finally delivered me from that terrible situation, but I was a mess and just had to allow myself to go through the grieving process of saying goodbye to my former soulmate. By soulmate I do not mean the man I find and marry. I am referring to the non-sexual platonic soulmate of the same gender. Due to the ridiculous world I live in and how everyone is refining what is natural and making it unnatural--I have to clarify every time I use that reference so people will not foolishly assume I mean a soulmate with sexual undertones. I am glad I am feeling better today and I thank everyone who prayed for me, but keep praying.
Friendship break ups are hard too and the deeper the connection and ties are, the deeper the wound. The deeper the wound the worse the pain feels. I will move on and without her and I refuse to see her again or be part of her life. Even if she was to come back, how does one look at a person who is responsible for so much the same way? Whatever she thinks of me is her business. I know what I did right and what I did wrong and I saw what she did right and thoroughly saw what she did wrong. Today I smile not because I’m happy about our falling out or what was said in those final moments. I’m smiling because Yahweh made the pain stop and is leading me through this restoration process and healing me. That does feel nice. I’ve walked around bleeding long enough over toxic relationships. I’m glad He fixed the problem and is prepping me for a new season with new people who are treating me with the kindness and respect that I deserve.
Copyright © 2020 Artzenin Eklektós
Blog post written by Artzenin Eklektós
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